From worst – best! Fast and Furious franchise ranked!

They were hardly masterpieces! There wasn’t even a single Al Pacino speech, Marlon Brando mumble or an Oscar for Meryl Strepp in sight. But what they lacked in artistic credibility, they made up for it in; high octane action, absurd plot lines, subvert homosexuality, car porn, bad ass stunts and explosions. But as the sequel lists and budgets gets bigger, do they really get better? Well there only one way to find out! Strap on your seat belts, lean back and use that nitro boost!

  1. The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

By far the worse in the series and hardly a plot worth mentioning! Where did it all go wrong for Tokyo Drift? The film was set in the bright, neon lights of Tokyo and had the best car porn in the series that was guaranteed to rev your engine. Well the problem lied in the simple fact some genius in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to replace the entire cast with a very limited and obscure new one. Bow Wow, come on! And what is this silly business about being set in the future of all the other Fast and Furious films? At least if you’re going to set this rubbish in the future at least make the cars fly or better yet just make the film better!

  1. The Fast and The Furious (2001)

Synopsis: Street racer and electronics thief Dominic Terreto meets undercover cop Brain O’Conner who also wants to bang Terreto’s sister.

The sentimentalist in me would love to put this film higher in the rankings, simply because it was the film that started it all off and it was the film when boy meets boy, resulting in the greatest love story ever not told by Nicholas Sparks. But in the hyper emasculated world of FF, there is no room for sentimentality, only for girls in revealing clothing and plenty of explosions. Wait! I know even before you even start, sure the budget was far lower and the formula was still under construction and the potential unharnessed. But The Fast and The Furious simply wasn’t as heart pounding, sweat inducing and crotch tightening, sorry I mean exciting as the others which proceed it (Well except for Tokyo Drift, obviously).

  1. Fast and Furious (2009)

Synopsis: The very serious one.

Quiet controversially, I think it was quiet a good idea to insert a darker film into the franchise. It gave us a breather from the action of the first two films and delved deeper into the character of Letty and how hard Toretto would fight to save her. Unfortunately it didn’t give us the same amnesia Letty had because I still have the same nightmare induced flashbacks of Tokyo Drift and it’s nasty after taste.

  1. Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Synopsis: With retirement firmly on the horizon, the gang are seduced into returning for “one last job” by Luke Hobbs to take down a skilled mercenary group in hopes it will clear their criminal records for the 100th time. One tip guys – stop doing criminal things! That way you won’t have to keep clearing your records and you can finally have no more last jobs.

Seriously how long does it take a plane to take off!? And omg that tank scene! FF 6 has the habit of booth bewildering you and exciting you. It was the first film in the series to move away from the underground racing scene and instead opt for international assassin’s angle, yes everyone in the world is still baffled how such a transition is even possible. Next thing you know, in FF 8 (Yes, there is a ‘one last job’ after the one last job) they will be traveling through time and fighting aliens in pimped out delorians.

  1. 2 Fast and 2 furious (2003)

Synopsis: Brain teams up with ex con friend Roman and a certain sultry DEA agent to go undercover to bust notorious drug dealer Carter Verone, with the aim of clearing their criminal records (hmm I wonder where I’ve heard that line before?).

Bro, this is my jam! Just imagine the slick coolness of Miami Vice, with the wise cracking exploits of Bad Boys! The decision to include Tyrese Gibson into the franchise was an absolutely legendary idea, Gibbons character Roman was a great comic, chaotic and carefree balance to Brain’s stern, smouldering persona. Together they were a tour de force of bad ass stunts, jokes and swagger! And who could forget Eva Mendez, lord have mercy…The film was directed by John Singleton, the guy behind Boy ‘N’ The Hood, so you know the man understands grit and 2 Fast an 2 Furious certainly has a trunk full.

  1. Fast Seven (2015)

Synopsis: After securing amnesty after their exploits in Fast & Furious 6, the gang return Home intent on living normal lives, except a rogue assassin comes out of the shadows seeking revenge.

This one is for Paul. The death of Paul Walker was a true shook to the world, but none felt it more harshly than the loyal fans of the FF franchise, without him the FF would never have been the success it was or as loved it was. The seventh FF was a true testament to his importance, so below the biggest stunts, well that is if you consider a $1 million car smashing into three Dubai buildings a big stunt. But below all of that, there was a beating heart that pumped the idea of family, brotherhood and friendship around the film so beautifully. But you also have to love Fast Seven for the share audacity to tell us – a man can have an entire car park crash on him and still walk away with barely a scratch on him and a man just out of hospital can crash a ambulance into a drown plane with perfect precision?! It’s hard not to have a soft spot for Seven.

  1. Fast 5 (2011)

Synopsis: Sorry Jesse J, but Fast 5 is all about the money and Terreto’s gang of merry men have to steal an entire bank vaults worth it and apparently the vault along with it.

“This is Brazil” Shouts Terreto in the face of Luke Hobbs aka The peoples elbow (The Rock) as a wall of guns blossom behind him. But luckily for us, eventually The Rock and Terreto decide to kiss and make up… well after the nasty business of beating the living hell out of each other, my money is always going to be on The Rock, because well the clue is in the name, duh! Because once they teamed up, they make the ultimate tag team partnership – sorry Degeneration X and oh yeah Brain…Awkward.

But I would love to hear what you think, what was your favourite Fast and Furious film and where would the others rank up against it?


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