You wonder what it’s like to be me – a guitar with a missing string, a bird with a broken wing, a child with no reason to grin. Then look hard into your shadows, the dirt in between your nails, the weeds in the cracks of concrete, that feeling of loss and misery after you cum. And only there would you find me. I’m just another one of societies forgotten children, the scourge of every politician, the ghost in the periphery of your vision. If you read on that’s your decision, but I warn you – a happily ever after will never come to fruition.
I look through my dirt smudged window at all the dull, dark concrete that drowns me. Lifeless to the touch and cold enough to draw the warmth from my heart. When it rains it pours. When you’re me the sun rises no more and joy is put permanently on pause. I’m in the pursuit of happiness, but how can I find something I’ve never seen or felt before? For me there is no golden path to follow. The only thing beneath my feet are cracked pavements flooded with fag ends, pennies and discarded dreams.
I wish life was like the Hollywood in movie screens instead of the suffocating black in between scenes. I don’t know any fantasies, just cold hard realities and the struggle to find the significance of my chance at humanity. Trapped in a hamster wheel that never stops spinning. I peddle my heart out, yet I’m still not moving. Forced to play the game of life with no hope of winning.
My only solace from the daily grind is the purgatory of a Saturday night listening to grime, whilst knowing in my head the life can never be divine. Every day is a struggle to survive. I can hope for the best, a steady decline, but I’m expecting the worst, a spiral into an alcohol stained demise and pain forever etched into my eyes. Who am I? Is what I scream in the bathroom, whilst the mirrored me looks back at me in silence. Neither one of us recognises the other. We’re are strangers undercover. It’s been years since last I had a lover. The memories of sweet kisses have gone from my lips. Real intimacy is something that I miss. But even she can’t rescue me from the bottomless well of loneliness I’m falling in.