Barely awake and barely alive

She lies in a room that is not her own. Heart racing. Mind thinking, “Where am I?”

The moonlight shines through gaps in the curtains onto his face, unfamiliar to her. He’s sleeping. She traces her hands over his cheeks. She lies back, knowing there should be butterflies with the anticipation of it all. Nothing. She stares at the moon… so far away, but the closest she feels to anything. Her mind is disconnected from emotion, feeling, reality. She may as well be up in space. But the night has its cruel ways of making her feel. Way too much.

Silence in the strange room. Soon to be filled by the noise of her thoughts. Then silence is broken by gasping breaths, through teary eyes and head in hands. A realisation… that the more she searches for love in other humans, the less she loves herself. This must stop, she thought whilst draping her arms over him. She pulls him closer,  kisses his skin like she knew his name, and reverted back to being numb.

Written by Amanda Anne Hemmings

Want to read more? You can find her blog here 

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